I had a crush on Guy A (We’ll call him Abdul) all through high school, and he finally asked me out during our last semester of senior year, then dumped me a few weeks before prom. First semester, Freshman year of college, I met Guy B (We’ll call him Benvolio), fell head-over-heels, and have been dating him ever since (two years). Abdul and I have maintained a friendship mostly though email and other distant-correspondence. Benvolio and I have a great relationship; I wouldn’t trade it for anything. However, Abdul has been trying to get my attention more lately, and he seems to be rekindling an interest in me, but I can’t really tell if I’m just reading into things (because I secretly want him to like me so I can break his heart like he broke mine…I know, I’m a great friend, right? But the desire for revenge is hard to ignore…)
There are two things I need help with.
One) I really want to talk to Benvolio about this, because I talk to him about everything and I like to get his opinions on things…but is this something he would feel comfortable talking about? He knows about Abdul and doesn’t feel much threatened by him, but I’ve always heard that talking about ex-boyfriends is not a good idea.
Two) Is it a good idea to just outright ask Abdul if he is romantically interested me and try to have a straightforward conversation with him (even if he’s not really a straight-forward conversation guy…he get’s really awkward about things like this) and if not, should I just go on pretending to everybody that nothing’s going on, always making it clear that I am not “available” to Abdul?
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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
Hi Mary, every guy is different, so you will need to trust your judgment on whether you tell Benvolio or not how you feel. I wouldn’t, simply because these feelings of revenge you have are not what I would want to see in a partner. The purpose of dating is to find out if you two are compatible or not. In most relationships one partner will find out before the other one and the obvious move it so tell the other one that they are not a match. The problem in your case is that you took the rejection personally (which is a normal feeling) and you want to exact revenge on him because of it (which is not a normal feeling). It sends the message that it is all about you and that you are selfish (and possibly not really ready for dating). What would you have done if you had realized first that you two were not compatible? Wait, perhaps years until he got the same conclusion you arrived to and then decide out of mutual agreement to brake up? How silly does this sound? You would be better off believing that Abdul actually made mistake by braking up with you and now he is regreting it, in which case the right move would be to sever ties with him in order for him to move on, since you don’t have plans to take up with him again. Good luck and do the right thing!